But an intriguing new study of online dating by sociologist Kevin Lewis at the University of California, San Diego, and published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggests that people might be limiting their choices out of a fear that they’re not attractive to other races.
Lewis examined the interactions of 126,134 newly signed-up members of the online-dating website OKCupid over two and a half months.
The agonizing paralysis of self-doubt is well captured by John Shim, who wrote a in 2002, lamenting "I feel cheated out of a myriad of romantic experiences that could have been brought to fruition were I not an Asian male."Growing up, I felt the same way.
Part of me believed that I had no chance with non-Asian women because our cultural differences were too apparent.
White folks, both male and female, overwhelmingly made more contact with whites, which is hardly surprising since there are more white people on the site to choose from.
As one of my black female friends put it, "Asian men, along with black women, are probably the least desirable people."A conducted by researchers at Columbia University, which surveyed a group of over 400 students who participated orchestrated "speed dating" sessions, showed that African-American and white women said "yes" 65% less often to the prospect of dating Asian men in comparison of men of their own race, while Hispanic women said yes 50% less frequently.It sucks to be so nervous around a woman that you babble incoherently, and it is even worse to act like a stud and have her slap you in front of your buddies. Get out, date, deal with the inevitable rejections, have fun, and learn about the machinery in your own head that leads to trouble and failure with women.When it comes to dating, most men are run by myths, misconceptions, and denial of their power as men.But it does seem to provide something that’s been lacking from the world of online-dating trends — some hopeful news that biases may be breaking down and discrimination may be getting weaker as people text their way to love.It also may prove that Asian women may have already figured out what the folks in Lewis’ study are just finding out — that there’s no harm in reaching out to someone who doesn’t look or think like you. Lewis couldn’t tell how extensive the contacts were — whether these people had just exchanged pleasantries or had actually gone on dates or made it to the aisle. (MORE: Why We Don’t Trust Online-Dating Sites — but Use Them Anyway) Reaching out to someone of a different ethnic background may be awkward because online users engage in what Lewis calls “pre-emptive discrimination.” That is, they expect — based on the way race has shaped their lives so far — rejection, or at the very least, to have little in common with someone who doesn’t share their heritage.