With the "slow it down warning" emblazoned on the relationship, let's look at the possible pitfalls your man presents.The first question that must be answered is: Why is he getting a divorce and what is the timeline?This is important and he will be talking about it, so listen with a keen intensity when he does.Here is a checklist: You must be definite that he is actually getting a divorce and has not just taken a few weeks off from his marriage to "find himself" or "get space." Are papers being filed or served? Any reports of progress are a green light that he is headed in the right direction as a possible partner for you.If he puts pressure on you to allow him to move in with you – especially if the source of his rent is dubious – follow the advice of one strong woman's grandmother: "don't fatten frogs for snakes" …Don't just let him move in without addressing his past in order for you to observe clues for your future.Again, counseling for someone in a relationship with heavy addiction issues is a must and any insistence that, "I'm not crazy, she's the one that's crazy," is a rehearsal for his lines in the movie that might become your life if you stick with him and he continues to live in denial about his role in things going bad.If he flat out does not know what went wrong with the marriage or is evasive, insist he get to the bottom of it with you.
Although the best advice is to take it as slow as possible, things often speed up without us realizing it, as love can be the natural state of things and seem so easy when it appears.
You might actually become a mini-expert on your state's legal nuances involving separation and community property. This is often a turnoff, but you can make this time matter for you in addition to just being a shoulder to cry on.
Listen carefully to what he says about the judge's rulings; the law is based on reasonable expectations.
You do not want to make a commitment to him and then find out he is likely to keep secrets from you or to check out and be so absent from the relationship that he will be surprised to find out one day that you, like his wife, is no longer there.
Of course, in his defense, she may have put on a good act and left him as a devious surprise to maximize his pain and to give her a stronger position in the divorce proceedings.
Locating Single Women Evaluating Yourself Dating Your Ex After a Divorce Community Q&A Meeting women after a divorce is easier than most men think.