They blithely ignore the ugly stuff even if it’s plainly visible to everyone else.Histrionics are not perfectionists, they’re more like perfectionist wannabes. Now there is another type: aggressives who use passive-aggressiveness as a deliberate strategy to act like jerks and not be held accountable.But if the unpleasant things don’t get done because of an accident, well, it’s not their fault, and they’re not a bad person.From In their minds, they are good children—innocent, happy, eager to please, and always willing to do more than their share.Phrase everything in a way that doesn’t assault their view of reality.
From The more these hapless vampires like, respect, or fear you, the less able they are to say directly, “I’m angry” or “I don’t want to do that.” They have to rely on misunderstanding, forgetting, or falling apart to do the job for them. The most frequent cause of headaches is pursuing the one goal that is absolutely unattainable with Histrionic vampires—having them admit to their actual motives.
Don’t even think of talking to them when you’re angry. (To learn an FBI behavior expert’s secrets for getting people to like you, click here.) So you’re talking to them in a way they won’t reject.
Now how do you get them to do what they should have already done? Otherwise, we now have passive-aggressives dealing with one another.
On a first date they will tell you about their last dysfunctional relationship because you’re a nice person and will understand. Nice person or not, in their next interview or on their next first date, they’ll be saying the same things about you. This approach ensures that the next time there is something difficult to be done, Histrionics will again handle it by not being able to handle it.
folks, if you see them for what they are, the best way to deal with them is not to deal with them. But there are many cases where that just isn’t an option, like the office. (To learn how to deal with psychopaths and other toxic people, click here.) Maybe if you can just get them to tell you what they want, you can break them of this terrible habit. And trying to get them to take responsibility for their actions is a fool’s errand. From Forget any attempt to make Passive-Aggressive vampires admit to what they really feel. Don’t make the mistake of demanding that they talk to you directly about problems.
Or maybe if you just explode on them you can show them how frustrating they’re being and they’ll snap out of it. If you get furious or make accusations, then you’re a bully. So don’t give them a plausible way of accusing you of being a bully. Not that they’re vindictive — they’re as pure as the driven snow — but your bullying behavior be something HR should be aware of. They’d have to admit they’re not sweet, kind and lovable. You might as well demand that they speak in rhyming couplets.