Over the next couple of weeks, he fired off a few more variations on “u up?
” until I eventually answered, explaining that I was seeing someone but wished him well. His periscope dropped down below the waves, never to resurface again. In 2016, I referred to this episode ghosting, but the internet recently furnished a more precise term: submarining, or the sudden vanishing of a romantic prospect who just as suddenly reappears at some future date, cresting huge and unannounced and without mention of the intervening silence, as if they’d never disappeared at all.
And while I found that style of exit both rude and frustrating, when things did fizzle for good, it seemed like the right and natural end. Roughly two months after my final unanswered text, I opened my phone to a series of dispatches from my ghost, making small talk about Netflix as if it had been a week since we’d spoken.
Confused and genuinely curious, I inquired after his endgame: Was he angling for me to come over, or was he just making conversation?
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We got along well enough, were amply able to sustain a conversation, but ultimately, both of us understood that we were taxiing down an endless runway without any possibility of takeoff.
So when the subtle shifts in conversational dynamics occurred—increasingly extended pauses between texts, outlines of weekend plans left to languish as Friday loomed—I (correctly) assumed imminent ghosting.
and so proud that today you have released the first song from an excellent album.
JA EYO forever and always A post shared by Lorde (@lordemusic) on , Martin and Johnson spent the weekend together, and “they seem to be getting more serious.” A source described their romantic weekend this way: “On Friday, they had dinner with friends.
Submarining is just the latest in a series of freshly spawned dating “trends:” There’s breadcrumbing, or maintaining a person’s interest by occasionally throwing them communication scraps that suggest some kind of intention; there’s stashing, or deliberately cloistering a new partner away from friends, family, and social media, as a means of keeping the relationship informal and non-exclusive; there’s cushioning, or the low-key lining up of several alternative partners as a sort of insurance against the dissolution of a new relationship.