I'd love to hear back from you because this topic might warrant another post on the subject (! It's extremely frustrating and confusing for the people who care for them, because we don't understand why they shut us out at a certain point.
I'm curious, also, if there are ways to address our own attachment issues (I have an anxious/insecure attachment style, which is a disaster when combined with an avoidant style! The reason is because they're either secretly suffering on something, or something happened that made them change.
That is, when the infant is intensely seeking attention, affection, or succor, they're most likely to respond in punishing ways.
And they demonstrate little tolerance for their child when the child is expressing negative emotions, particular their anger in reaction to being rebuffed.
For the most part emotionally unavailable, distant, and withdrawn, she's averse to close bodily contact and physical warmth, which leaves the infant's bid for such essential nurturance routinely frustrated.
Accompany this rejecting stance, such mothers (however covertly) can also betray anger--and at times even open hostility--toward the baby, and particularly when the child is making desperate attempts to establish an intimate connection with them.
In such insecure, dysfunctional attachments, the label assigned to the primary caregiver (usually the biological mother) is "dismissive." What this unfavorable designation refers to is the mother's general unresponsiveness to her newborn.
NOTE 3: If you'd like to check out other pieces I've written for —on a broad range of psychological topics—click here. For other readers interested in learning more, a recent book that deals with this subject, is "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. But if the individual were deceived, betrayed, or abused in some way and, as a result, became wary of others, one way they might have decided to protect themselves from further (perceived) neglect or exploitation might be to "shy" away from any further "intimate" human contact--for it had become associated with too much vulnerability. Also, SLAA twelve step meetings may work for those that are sexually and emotionally anorexic. Patrick Carnes has a fantastic book called Sexual Anorexia. It can be treated if a therapist is trained properly. s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1357339398&sr=1-11&keywords=john bradshaw s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1357339336&sr=1-1&keywords=sexual anorexia on the spur of the moment think of any specific interventions that would represent a sure-fire "cure." I think effective counseling for such a problem would have more to do with the therapist than any technique, or intervention, as such.
That might easily translate to others as "coldness." But it would be less temperamental than a key part of that person's defense system, which felt essential to their welfare. And you yourself could make it that much more illuminating. Many cold people are actually emotionally frozen in there sexual life which is a disorder that starts in childhood. Also, experential therapy, psychodrama and inner child work can be very effective in getting around the ego defense mechanisms of a frozen person. Cognitave therapy does not normally work with people that intellectualize in order to defend themselves from emotional change. John Bradshaw also wrote a great book on counterdependants- people who are overly independant and guarded. But in any case, I believe the focus would need to be on emotionally resolving issues from childhood, rather than any focus on, say, social skills building.
Rather, introverts need to be appreciated not so much as aloof or emotionally unresponsive (as compared to extroverts), but as more reserved, socially reticent, and requiring more solitude.
As children they undoubtedly tended toward anxiety-driven shyness. In brief, introverts are hardly lacking in the capacity for intimacy.
For one thing, it shouldn't be confused with introversion (presently understood as an inborn personality trait tied to the brain's reticular activating system).