Daddy rules for dating my daughter

Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like mowing my lawn?

Rule #8The following places are NOT appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.

Rule #5It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early".

There, they’d wait until they spotted a member of the opposite sex, who — in their judgment — was attractive. A total of 96 subjects — 48 men and 48 women — were propositioned, partitioned to 32 — 16 men and 16 women — for each question.

So just the presence of this father is a powerful, powerful message to the daughter and to those she might date.

And his mere presence is a positive factor in all sorts of outcomes.

Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to encourage my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. But on issues regarding my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.

Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight.

The e-mail should come from "Onnidan Fan Forum" with the return address -Rule #1If you pull into my driveway and honk your horn, you'd better be delivering a package, because you sure as hell are NOT picking anything up. You may glance at her, so long as you do NOT peer at anything below her neck.

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